Hoping Things Will Be Okay – 2019 Diaries

May 31st 2019

Growth is not an overnight process and happiness isn’t a consistent thing…

May is coming to an end and it has been the quickest and slowest month all rolled into one. When I look back at this entire month and see how much has changed, it is as though I have lived two lifetimes. Here is a brief overview of my month:

• I moved out of my childhood home
• Visited Greenport with some friends
• Saw my favorite singer for the 8th time in concert
• Moved out of New York
• Haven’t read much
• Started working on my independent yoga practice
• Started going to the gym a little

So this month hasn’t exactly been the easiest for me and today, when I am writing this, isn’t exactly the best day for me either. I’ve realized that trying to be happy and optimistic about a new situation is great, but can also be pretty exhausting. I am also learning that it is completely okay to have moments of weakness and to doubt myself (Thanks, Angie for reinforcing that whole message to me also). But I also realized that nothing is permanent and, although that can be sad sometimes, it is also really comforting because it just goes to show that even the worst days are only 24 hours.

Saying goodbye to all of my friends was tough this month too, but I sort of felt more at ease than I expected to at the same time. I guess I just feel really confident about most of the people in my life and I understand that a large part of adult friendship is supporting your friends at a distance sometimes.

In terms of the move so far, I really don’t know how I feel about it. I am trying my best to adjust but I am having a hard time. I have been doing a bit of job hunting every day and trying to meet people in the area to get me out of the house. I am also trying to slowly get myself back into a healthy eating and fitness lifestyle, but the stress has been making it sort of hard.

People have asked me how I like it here so far and I don’t really have an answer for them. I really just miss how simple things were in New York and the fact that I had a job to go to and friends to see and reasons to leave the house. Now I find myself incredibly nervous to leave my house and I don’t really feel I truly fit in.

In terms of my goals from last month, I sort of accomplished everything for the most part except finishing a book which I forgive myself for entirely and also I didn’t make “the thing” happen, but I am mostly over it (haha, sorry for being vague). I’ll keep working at making time for reading in upcoming months.

Here are my goals for June:

• Make more time for reading
• Work out at least 3-4 times a week
• Meet at least 1 new person
• Apply to at least 1 job every weekday
• Leave my house more alone
• Keep in touch with friends
• Eat less “cheat snacks”

I hope May treated everyone nicely! What would you like to do in June?