May 27th 2018
“Yoga is the practice of tolerating the consequences of being yourself” ~ Bhagavad Gita
Over the past 8 months, I have sort of lost a bit of love and fire for my yoga practice. There had been situations surrounding my practice and people outside of myself that influenced the passion I once felt for an activity that used to be my sole source of grounding. Although I don’t want to jump into details about what transpired that made me feel disenchanted with the practice of yoga and the community around it, I am going to talk a bit about losing my fire and rekindling it again.
So I don’t know the exact moment where I became disenchanted with yoga but I do know that it was roughly mid-October of last year. Things with my yoga teacher training went south…then north….then somewhere that cannot be explained. I lost my desire to wake up for morning classes I once loved. I think I skipped about 2 weeks in total before returning to my mat at the studio for one or two days a week. I used to attend 5 days so this was a large change.
People began commenting about not seeing me in class as often and I would just lie and say I was super busy with work and other stuff, when in reality, my only reason for not attending was a sheer desire to avoid the source of my anxiety. It is ironic that yoga was something I had started as a means of managing my anxiety, but last fall, it was my highest source.
Fast forward to now, I still don’t have that love back in full. I attend the studio 4 mornings a week and even took it upon myself to start taking a new class. For me, starting a new class is always a struggle because putting myself in a new environment makes me anxious. However, I feel like I am slowly getting my love and passion back.
Two weeks ago, I ran into a woman I used to do teacher training with before everything took a turn and she expressed to me that her love for her practice had not been the same after everything transpired either. It was rather comforting seeing someone else who was going through the same spiritual, internal battle I was going through, despite the fact that I wouldn’t wish the pain of losing your fire on anyone.
From talking to her, we both came to the same conclusion which was to keep doing what we were doing. Keep on attending classes, try to keep a positive mindset, and try to view yoga through the lens I viewed it before I lost my fire.
I’m not sure if I will ever be where I once was, but I can say that I am working my hardest to get there. I will keep attending classes and reading books and following Instagram yogis who inspire me. I will keep turning towards spirituality to help manage my anxiety and I will remind myself that one poor period in my life should not define my outlook on my practice as a whole.
I will continue to love my practice for the gifts it has given me in life as I continue to search for my fire again. With a little more time and patience, I hope to find my love again.
Have you ever lost your fire for something? If so, how did you find it again?