March 11th 2016
I spend a little too much time living the life I made up in my head.
I’ve always been the kind of person to get nostalgic while watching the sunset. I feel like sunsets have a way of connecting you to the past, present and future all at once. One sunset can bring me back to a hundred others but also makes me feel so alive in that current moment; like it’s just me and the sky and the universe looking down at me. I have always loved to watch sunsets at the beach because the beach is my favorite place and where I feel most comforted (when it is late and no one is there except me and whichever company I choose to bring along with me).
This past week has been my spring break so I have done my best to take every opportunity to see the world around me (even if “the world around me” is just right outside my front door because I am a college student on a budget, dude). Seeing that one of my best friend’s was also home from his college upstate, I thought it would be a great opportunity to take a trip to a beach we don’t normally go to and enjoy the sunset and just catch up.
However, our little catch up time turned into a mini photo shoot because my friend, Tyler, really has an amazing eye for take pictures.
Spending time with Tyler is something that is really hard to do but I always value the opportunity when I get it. I feel like we share a lot of the same world views….and he laughs at my jokes sometimes so that’s pretty cool too. He is someone who kind of just flows through life like I do, but we never really lose sight of one another regardless of how busy he gets (because everyone tries to hog my gay boyfriend, but he’s still my gusband so I win). After the sun set we got to enjoy a cloudy but peaceful drive home exchanging music and talking about life and the future and where we fall into everything.
I guess that’s the weird thing about getting older…finding where you fit in. I always sort of thought that the whole concept of “fitting in” died after high school, but in reality it takes on a whole new meaning. Fitting in is no longer about belonging or following the crowd, it is about finding that place in the world where everything just falls together. It’s sort of like my life is this big Tetris game and I am waiting for that one stupid straight piece that never seems to come to complete the lines I have laid out in front of me. I feel like I have everything I need to have a complete life, but something is not here that needs to be… if that makes sense. I don’t know if I am waiting to meet a specific person, or I am just not meant to be complete where I am now and I have to move to meet my full potential, but either way there is just some factor that is missing or out of place to the point that my place in life is not apparent to me yet.
Maybe the point of life is finding a place for yourself and using where you end up to leave the world a better place than when you came in. So I will continue watching sunsets until I find a better way to find the place I fit in.