November 27th 2021
The feminine urge to reinvent myself~
I believe that the key to creating a really captivating blog post is to start with a really compelling first line. Unfortunately, after about 10 minutes and 7 “first lines”, I am beginning to realize that sometimes it is just better to get started than get hung up on whether or not the first line is something that people will be raving about months from now. And, the more I think about it, the more I feel that this exact idea is what is driving me to sit down and write right now.
I have allowed myself to get stuck at the precipice of a major shift in my life because I am afraid my opening line won’t be strong enough to propel me forward. Despite being a self-starter in school or in work environments, I sort of lag behind in that department when it comes to personal changes. I think it is my tendency to spiral that causes me to delay reinvention out of fear of what it entails. I am not very good with cut-and-dried thinking or the concept of “starting small” or “making small changes”. I am very all-or-nothing in my approach and that is for better or for worse depending on the situation. When it comes to making a life change, it is usually for worse.
I have a lot of talent that I have been under-utilizing for years and it wasn’t until my friend brought it to my attention last night that I realized that it was something I should really look into. Why was I casting my talents and passions aside so willingly? Call it laziness, call it overwhelm, call it comfort-seeking-behavior, call it whatever you want but I am denying myself the ability to flourish by sitting still in my fluffy happy bubble and not experiencing real growth out of the reluctance to face change head on. So, that begs the question, how do I get passed these limiting thoughts and fears and get to a place where I can make the next year of my life one of reinvention, rediscovery, and unlocking my true potential?
Well I am going to try to boil it down to 3 key areas that I need to focus on starting now and into the new year:
Health and Wellness
I have a terribly toxic trait of falling in and out of wellness practices for unknown periods of time. I could be hardcore into a workout regimen for a month then 1 off week could throw me out of the rotation entirely. I could be eating at home and cooking a ton just to have a busy weekend derail weeks of progress. So my first goal is to focus on getting my health and wellness in check.
Capture My Creative Spirit
Despite being nearly 3 years into a full-time career and almost 7 in my career focus of choice, I still find that I deal with a lot of creative fatigue that pulls me out of my groove when it comes to creating content. In my soul, I am inspired to create, but my brain has trouble keeping up with that as a result of the workload I have dealt with in recent years. My second goal is to invite more flexible creative time into my day-to-day life.
Maximize Free Time
I have a horrible habit of laying in bed right after work and then complaining I have a lack of free time. With renting a house next year and changing up my day-to-day, I want to create a more thoughtful routine for myself. I want to live intentionally and I have been super inspired by the “that girl” aesthetic on Tik Tok and Pinterest. While the trend has its potential to be toxic, I think if the intentions are pure, it can only do good things. So my third goal is maximizing efficient and nourishing use of my free time.
I am aware all of this will take time, but I think that breaking down my intentions for 2022 into 3 key areas will help me check in with myself more regularly to make sure that I am putting enough energy into becoming who I want to be in the long run. However, “who I want to be in the long run” is also largely a work in progress. When thinking about who I want to be, I have qualities in mind but the full picture is a bit blurry.
I recently watched a video by a girl who was referencing a bit from a comedian where the comedian talked about how his father taught him that life was like a big jigsaw puzzle and everyone had their own and we all lost the reference photo and were just winging it. Right now, I feel like I have the edges of my puzzle figured out but the inside is a mish-mosh of different pieces that I know go somewhere but the where is what I am struggling with.
I know my interests and the things I like, and I also know the people who make me feel the most whole, but I am not quite sure how to connect these pieces together and how to deal with the holes that are chilling in the middle. I know there are a world of things that I would probably love and haven’t discovered yet, so I think that this is going to be a process more than it will be a “wake up and know” sort of deal. Which all ties back to my first point about how I am still trying to figure out my opener and how to encourage myself to start, even if the beginning is a bit rocky or forgettable.
I also suck at conclusions, but that is something I don’t mind sucking at because that just means that I am always leaving room to add on to my story.
Also, unrelated to this post. But after a chat with a friend, I think I might try my hand at some form of Blogmas this year. Not sure if I will make it all 31 days, but I at least want to try and do more days of blogging than I have done this year so I can get myself back into a routine with it in 2022.
Words of encouragement are welcome, please and thank you…haha!