June 12th 2019
A post that wasn’t going to be a post.
When I started blogging, my intention was for this to be a space for me to just write about my thoughts and feelings. However, as my blog and I have both grown, I aspired to turn this blog into not only a personal space but a place people could go for a wide variety of “lifestyle” content. But, at its heart, I always want this to be a place for me to go when I am feeling the need to express myself.
That is why I am writing this post about feeling discouraged. This isn’t some cheery advice post where I tell you how to feel better when you’re feeling discouraged. If you’re looking that, my last post “How To Find Motivation Where There Isn’t Any” may be a good fit for you. However, this post is going to just be a bit of a ramble about my own personal experience with feeling discouraged.
I sound like a broken record at this point, but a couple of week ago I moved to a new state away from everything familiar with me and I am currently in the process of trying to adjust to a new life, find my new normal, get a new job, and meet new people…but at this point I am feeling discouraged. Life is just not going in the direction I want it to go. Job hunting feels like one big slammed door to the face, it is hard to meet new friends when you don’t leave your house and it is hard to leave your house when you have nowhere to go.
It can all be really discouraging. And this is usually the part where I throw in a “but” and follow it up by some fun positive affirmation about how even the worst days are only 24 hours and how none of this will matter in a year from now, but I can’t help but to sit in my bad mood right now.
I am a firm believer that the universe has a plan for everyone and I just haven’t figured my plan out yet, but every day I find that harder and harder to believe. I know I am a smart and capable girl with a good work ethic and a solid personality and I am a quick learner and always up for anything, so I really don’t understand why things just don’t seem to be working out. It seems like my fear of the irreversible bad thing have been realized and now I am stuck because of some stupid mistake I’ve made it my past that I can’t even figure out.
I know I must sound so negative and if this is your first impression of me, I urge you to stop here and go find another post I’ve written that is way more uplifting. I like to be the “look on the bright side of life” kind of person whenever possible, but today is just one of those days where I am just not feeling it. I wasn’t even sure if I wold bother to write today, but I have gone so long without missing a post that it felt wrong to skip, plus writing is the one way I like to get everything out of my head at once, so writing this is really for my own good.
Feeling discouraged really sucks because it isn’t as simple as just feeling sad, it is just feeling like there is no point. It is feeling like you should just quit while you’re ahead and crawl back under the covers and not come out ever again. Feeling discouraged is like being in a room with no doors or windows and just smacking aimlessly into walls with no exit in sight.
Feeling entirely discouraged by life is honestly the most claustrophobic feeling. To feel trapped by your own life honestly feels really awful and I am hoping things start to turn around soon and that this truly is just part of the process.
But for now, I am going to sit and let myself feel discouraged while I try to figure more out. I hope to put out something a little more fun on Friday.