February 28th 2018
“Nobody likes you when you’re 23”
I turned 23 a couple of days ago (click here to check out my 23 things for 23 years post) and it really got me to think about life right now, where I am, and where I am going. I decided to throw the Blink-182 quote at the start of this post because that is just about what everyone has said to me when I mention turning 23….I have to admit it is better than when everyone screamed the lyrics of 22 by Taylor Swift at me last year.
So, 23 and life right now. I am 23 years old and in limbo. I have a lot of dreams and plans but I am sort of stuck in the crossroads of expectations of myself created by society and expectations of myself that I have created. I feel as though there is a bit of a disconnect and neither mine nor society’s expectations are truly the best fit. I wrote a post about this earlier this month called “A Chat About An Existential Crisis” where I discussed my feelings a bit more.
If it were up to me, I would continue working multiple part time jobs and focusing on yoga and blogging in the hopes of turning those into my primary careers. Society however (i.e. my parents and the general expectations of most people when thinking of a college graduate) would prefer I get a full time career, 9-5, five days a week with a salary and benefits and a 401k. Although I am not against the prospect of a full time job, I find that I am very particular about what I like doing and the setting in which I like doing it.
After a poor work experience last year, I have been left sort of traumatized against the idea of settling into a new working environment. I know that things must change in order for me to grow, but I have developed such a mental block as a result of other people’s actions. On top of that, I find that I work better when left to my own devices and without having to put focus on a corporate culture.
I have really grown a love for the arts and non-profit organizations over the past few years and would love to continue my work there if I had to choose any place to spend my full time career. I find that that is where my full time interests lie if I am not able to turn this blog into something sustainable.
In terms of where I am going from here, I am not quite sure. All I know is that I want to continue keeping up with my blog 4 days a week, eventually paying for my account so I can own my domain, and take active steps to improve my content while also balancing work and life.
I have also been toying with the idea of going back to school to get a degree in English or Journalism. My Nanny always told me that ever since I was a little girl, she thought I would be an author one day. I’ve come to realize that there truly is no time but the present and that I need to start thinking about this kind of stuff now.
Lastly, as I watch the years pass me by, I realize it is time to put on my big girl pants and put myself out there. I am a bit shy and afraid of rejection, but I am coming to terms with the fact that if I do what I have always done, I will get what I have always gotten.
I know what I want and I know what I need to do to get there, so 23 will mark the year that I build up the courage, stop making lame excuses and get moving on reaching my personal goals. I am meant for more than what I am doing right now for and I plan to prove that to the world and myself one day.
My name is Jessica. I live on Long Island in New York. I’m 23 years old, and I’m just getting started~ (Bonus points if you know what this is a reference from)