The Goodbye Paradox

February 4th 2018

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My mom always told me that the bullies wouldn’t succeed and that karma would have it’s day…I’m still waiting.

I grew up with the common knowledge that life is not fair and it is not equal. This isn’t news to me, so this post isn’t because I am necessarily surprised by this phenomenon, but more because I want to shed some light on this and see if anyone is experiencing the weird conundrum that I am.

I call this the “Goodbye Paradox” which is, put simply, that when I walk away from people who have hurt me and walked all over me and treated me in a way that did not serve me, they, for some reason, start to thrive in my absence. Now keep with me, I am not saying I want the people I walk away from to fail, I actually made that point in my New Years Lessons post. I don’t wish the worst for people, but when I say they THRIVE after I leave, I mean it.

My mom always told me that bullies would get back what they put in one day, but I haven’t been seeing it as of late. I have walked away from quite a few people over the years and I don’t feel like karma has hit them in any way, shape, or form. Meanwhile, I sort of feel like I am chugging along with little to no karmic return.

Now, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, the universe doesn’t owe me anything, but sometimes I want a little reminder that it remembers I exist. Sometimes I feel like I must have done something in a past life for all the people I leave behind to get so much good karma at once. New jobs, opportunities, more cash flow, awesome experiences, recognition for their talents and assets, all coming to people who made me feel like a bag of dog poop or a piece of gum under their shoe.

And all I ever hear from everyone I vent to is, they will get their’s one day, just you wait. But I don’t necessarily want people who hurt me to “get theirs”, I just want to get mine…at some point. I feel like I have been through the ringer quite a few times, being everybody’s rock and shoulder to cry on and I have done my fair share of building up good karma by sticking my neck out for people who didn’t necessarily contribute anything to my life in order to deserve it.

I know it probably sounds sort of selfish of me to be like “wahhhh I want my good karma now!” I am really not trying to be a snob, but I just keep hearing the old phrase ringing in my head, “every dog has its day” and I begin to wonder if I overslept on my day or something or I was home sick.

I guess what I’ll keep telling myself that I am just waiting for something really big and it takes time and it will be entirely worth the wait when it happens…and I’ll try super hard to believe it.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? Looking for a friend~

Jess~

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jessofearth

Jess, 23, yogi, believer in things, book worm, shy, aspiring human of Earth. I like to spend my time on a yoga mat, with a pen in my hand, my nose in a book, or behind the lens of a camera. I love to write about anything and everything. Book reviews, travel diaries, and abstract thoughts~

9 thoughts on “The Goodbye Paradox

      1. You have to believe in ur heart they’ll get what they deserve …thats enough 🙂 but dont focus on the anger or a hate too much. U should feel that you know it, that’s enough. The Universe will respond with a time 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Jess, what a beautiful and honest moving through a contracted space. If you forgave your bullies, they moved on lighter.

    You may want so much for others that you’re afraid to ask for a little for yourself. I am intimately familiar with this pattern myself. Hello, givers of the world! We were taught so much about giving and not a whole lot about non-dominant receiving. The world tells us a lot about dominant getting, but that doesn’t appear to the personality attracted to giving. Something about giving seems truer somehow. So then our lives start to look a bit lopsided.

    What has really helped me is that giving and receiving are the very same. They always happen together. Another component of this is that forgiveness allows us to open to the experience of true giving and receiving. In fact, I just wrote about this right before reading your post. A lot of old patterns are unwinding in me, and it looks as though they are unwinding in you, too.

    Wishing you the best 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment! And yes I was totally raised as a very giving person and I get nervous about asking for too much or anything at all. In my head, asking for stuff is selfish because I already have a lot in my life. And forgiveness is definitely something I’ve actively tried to improve at because I have a tendency to be sensitive and as a result I can hold onto resentments. I’m gonna go check out your post as well so I can get a bit more insight from someone who is like minded🙂

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  2. I think I haven’t nevessarily tried to achieve good karma in amyway. Yes, I have helped others. Yes I am good person too but I don’t really expect anything great in return. As far as bullies, I have experiences with a few and quite honestly, I do not wish them well. I use to be overly nice by wishing other people well but I realized I am not being fair to myself. A person who has hurt me does not deserve good wishes, atleast not from me. So I am not gonna wish them well. Yes in time I might chise to forgive these people but I will not wish them a good life. If they walk out into the world to hurt others, they deserve it back.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I sort of feel the same. I don’t act for the sake of karma, but I do wish that sometimes I would see some decent karmic return. And in terms of bullies, I don’t necessarily wish them well, I just don’t waste my energy on ill wishes. If I choose to remove someone from my life because they don’t serve me, I just wish them a healthy life away from me. It just gets a little disheartening when those same bullies are seemingly being rewarded by the universe. It seems really petty and selfish of me to say, but sometimes I just wish that I’d see myself being better off as well. But I totally see where you’re coming from. Sometimes I wish a part of me didn’t wish people well who didn’t deserve it.

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