February 4th 2018
My mom always told me that the bullies wouldn’t succeed and that karma would have it’s day…I’m still waiting.
I grew up with the common knowledge that life is not fair and it is not equal. This isn’t news to me, so this post isn’t because I am necessarily surprised by this phenomenon, but more because I want to shed some light on this and see if anyone is experiencing the weird conundrum that I am.
I call this the “Goodbye Paradox” which is, put simply, that when I walk away from people who have hurt me and walked all over me and treated me in a way that did not serve me, they, for some reason, start to thrive in my absence. Now keep with me, I am not saying I want the people I walk away from to fail, I actually made that point in my New Years Lessons post. I don’t wish the worst for people, but when I say they THRIVE after I leave, I mean it.
My mom always told me that bullies would get back what they put in one day, but I haven’t been seeing it as of late. I have walked away from quite a few people over the years and I don’t feel like karma has hit them in any way, shape, or form. Meanwhile, I sort of feel like I am chugging along with little to no karmic return.
Now, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, the universe doesn’t owe me anything, but sometimes I want a little reminder that it remembers I exist. Sometimes I feel like I must have done something in a past life for all the people I leave behind to get so much good karma at once. New jobs, opportunities, more cash flow, awesome experiences, recognition for their talents and assets, all coming to people who made me feel like a bag of dog poop or a piece of gum under their shoe.
And all I ever hear from everyone I vent to is, they will get their’s one day, just you wait. But I don’t necessarily want people who hurt me to “get theirs”, I just want to get mine…at some point. I feel like I have been through the ringer quite a few times, being everybody’s rock and shoulder to cry on and I have done my fair share of building up good karma by sticking my neck out for people who didn’t necessarily contribute anything to my life in order to deserve it.
I know it probably sounds sort of selfish of me to be like “wahhhh I want my good karma now!” I am really not trying to be a snob, but I just keep hearing the old phrase ringing in my head, “every dog has its day” and I begin to wonder if I overslept on my day or something or I was home sick.
I guess what I’ll keep telling myself that I am just waiting for something really big and it takes time and it will be entirely worth the wait when it happens…and I’ll try super hard to believe it.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Looking for a friend~