September 8th 2017
I am in a period of rebirth. I am growing and changing and returning to passions I have long since forgotten. I discussed this whole period in a post a while back called The Passion Project and I feel like since that post, I have been making large strides forward in getting back into my passions. All except one, film. I miss filming videos and putting my thoughts and creative ideas into moving pictures to share with the world. I want to come back to that. I am trying my best.
I sort of just feel, stuck. I feel like whenever I think about starting, I freeze and immediately think that I am not good enough or that my ideas are not creative enough. I want to share my ideas with people, not have them lay hidden in a sea of millions of other content creators, never to be enjoyed by anyone ever! So I hesitate. I hesitate again and again and again until I realize, I have made very little progress.
But then I remind myself of this blog and where it all started. I remember that I used to post here once a month or so, if that. I remind myself that I almost gave up because I felt as though I was screaming into a void, but I didn’t stop because I liked what I was doing. That is the attitude I want to go into content creating with. I want to go in with the mentality that I am doing this because I enjoy it and it is something I feel passionately about and not just because I want views or recognition.
Coming back takes patience. I never realized how much patience it required until I got really into blogging more often. It is a lot of patience and a lot of hope and a lot of hard work. All three things go hand in hand. However, sometimes I think patience likes to run off away from the group which sort of sucks for hope and hard work because they sort of just scramble looking for patience all the time.
Coming back also needs a little help from free time. I lack free time now and although the things I am using to fill my free time are things that I have made the choice to do, I feel a little stuck. For example, I have work today (where I am writing this post and many others, so this will be about two weeks ago by the time this goes up) and I have rehearsal from 7:30-9:30 which leaves me getting home at 10:30. By then I am exhausted and I am in no way in the head space to create content of any sort.
So coming back will be a process, but I am still determined to take steps, no matter how small, to where I want to be~