What’s Going On

August 20th 2017

Sometimes life comes at you too fast, so you need to write it down to make reason of it all…

I try to talk about myself and my personal life in small doses here and there on my blog. I usually try to keep my blog as a place for me to discuss broad past experiences and personal insights and I tend to leave “the now” out a lot.

I don’t really find that to be a bad things considering I wouldn’t want to read a blog full of updates and  personal information and I would much rather read a broad piece that I can relate to. However, I am writing this in the hopes that some people can relate to how I’m feeling right now and feel a little less alone by reading this.

So a lot has changed within the past week. My show that I was in has ended its run and the show raised $4,300+ to be donated to a woman in need alongside a GoFundMe page for the show that earned almost $10,000. It was a bittersweet ending because although it was incredibly time consuming, I enjoyed the people I met through the experience and hope to continue to connect with them into the future.  And honestly, this show gave me an emotional break from worrying about things in my life that proved to be temporary.

Then the week took a bit of a turn and I am going to give the skinny to the internet because this is honestly quite a personal situation, but…I parted ways with that job I felt uneasy about. It wasn’t entirely my choice to part ways with them because they seemed dissatisfied with their decision to bring on a fresh college graduate, however, my decision to never return is entirely my own. I did not feel good about the company from the start and they just give me bad vibes. Do you know when you walk into a room and the air just feels thick and heavy? That is how I felt every day I went there.

It felt like I was constantly walking into conversations that were about me and everyone was pretending they weren’t. I felt pretty taken advantage of when I first realized that I could not continue my employment there, however, I realized that this is entirely for the best and I would have been nothing but miserable if I had forced myself to continue working there. I literally had a quitting date already planned in my head so clearly this wasn’t a dream job or anything. I really just enjoyed the location in relation to my house and yoga studio, and the fact that I didn’t have to take the train.

Which brings me to the next update, I don’t know if I have ever mentioned it on here, but I am starting my yoga instructor training this Fall and I will be a certified instructor by the end of the year! I’m choosing to focus on that instead of focusing on the anxiety caused by returning to the job hunt because honestly, I am pretty sure yoga will be my primary source of income one day which I am all for.

I guess if I had to describe everything that has been going on in an emotion, it would be hazy. I sort of just feel out of sorts and the days are blending together and I don’t feel 100% present right now. I am working on it though. I am working on actively improving my mood and myself. I think that taking myself out of the toxic, dead-end work environment I spent all Summer in really gives me some time to work on me. I am all for additional me-time especially to help me get out of a fog.

I guess the number one take away I have from all of this is that life has a funny way of telling you what you need to do. Life really does make sure you stay on your path even if you don’t do it for yourself. The universe knew this job wasn’t for me and gave me the push I so very needed to stand up and leave because it knew I wouldn’t do it on my own. A very hard push…out onto my ass. But it was a push I needed.

I have established that the universe loves me enough to take away things and people and situations that do not serve me, even if it hurts me. And the universe does the same for you. Every break up, every lost job, every failed situation, is a sign from the universe that this isn’t where your path is leading you. Being disappointed is a part of growth and the universe is not afraid to hurt you to get you where you need to be. The universe is a pretty good pal.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, this week has been the first step towards a new future, see you there~

Jess~