July 14th 2017
The diary of a 20-something, fresh out of college and (sort of) ready to meet the world…
The scariest part of the real world is that it feels just like the world I have been living in all along, but with something missing. I wouldn’t say that school was the glue holding my life together…it sort of just gave it structure. I liked having my routine and having control over my own schedule. If I wanted to have a lunch break for 2 hours, I could arrange my schedule that way. If I only wanted to go in until noon on Tuesdays, I could sort that out. The real world isn’t like that.
In the real world, I am living by someone else’s clock. I am waking up, working, eating lunch, and going home by someone else’s clock. I don’t feel like I have control over my schedule anymore. I honestly feel a loss of control as a whole.
I have never been the kind of person who liked to follow a strict schedule. I never joined a sorority or a strict club in college because I feared being stuck to a schedule and not free to plan how I would like to spend my time. I know that people love those kind of things and those types of social organizations are great ways to meet people and learn to take a leadership role, but I am a bit more selfish with my time.
I’m not saying unmotivated or lazy, just picky. I don’t like feeling tied down by specific obligations and full time employment is presenting itself to be something that is making me feel tied down…and suffocated…sort of like if someone tied bricks to my legs and threw me into an ocean. I just feel smothered.
A job is like a clingy partner. It is constantly blowing up your phone, requesting you to be ever present, wanting to keep track of your every move, etc.. It makes me feel claustrophobic. And I know that not all jobs are going to make me feel that way and that jobs I actually genuinely enjoy will make me feel fulfilled and happy. However, in my current position, I feel like I have very little breathing room. I feel like I am being micromanaged and babysat.
It is sort of funny, my other job, where I am just an intern, treats me with more respect and appreciation than the job taking me on full time. I just started at my new job and it already feels like they don’t trust me. It could just be my anxiety getting the better of me, but I honestly feel so stressed whenever I even think about checking my email for my new job.
Some people say that feeling should subside in a few months and I hope they are right. I set the standard for myself to work their for at least a year or two before moving on and right now it seems like it is going to be a long two years.
However, I do have some things to look forward to in the real world outside of that new job. I am currently getting ready to begin my first 200 hour yoga instructing certification and I could not be more excited. I handed in my application and honestly felt like I could cry tears of joy. This has been something I have wanted for so long but couldn’t do with school in the way (since I frequented weekend classes). I honestly believe that getting this certification is a step in the right direction towards pursuing my actual dreams.
Another great thing to come out of the real world is the realization that my end of college job really does respect me and value me a ton. They weren’t able to afford to hire me full time, so I am (hopefully) working part time remotely for them, which is a bit to handle with a separate full time job happening, but it is worth it to have my name in there if they have an opening for me to go full time.
Overall, my first few months attempting adulting have been stressful, but moderately rewarding. At least I still have my whole life ahead of me to make mistakes, figure things out, and grow.
This is only the beginning~
Jess
JessofEarth 
Good girl! You’re getting so many useful lessons from all this :)) I remember my daughter after moving out and starting her first job: “The problem with working — there is no Semester Break! It just goes on . . . forever!!!” (Now she lives in the Tiny House she built herself, body surfs daily, and has succeeded as a self-employed artist and musician. Yahoo! https://ellaharp.com/)
Just for perspective, one of my early between college jobs was milking cows on a dairy farm in Enumclaw, Washington — seven days a week . . . 365 days — Christmas, New Years, Birthday . . . for well over a year. When I was 19 I moved from California to Washington; built/sewed/cut trees and made a Sioux Indian Tipi; set it up and lived in it in a nearby cow pasture; set my alarm for 3:30 every am, and was at the milk barn by 5 am, getting onto the old rickety tractor and “bringing in the girls”. Milking was from 5:30 am until whenever the job was done (about 90 cows — they were milked three times each day, I had the morning milking, only — if all went well, it took about three hours, but oftentimes way more). I got paid $15 for this :)) No matter how long it took. Minimum wage was $1.65 per hour — so I was laughing all the way to the bank :)) :)) I felt like I won the job lotto!!!
Needless to say, this (fragrant!) job prodded me on to make more of my life. I went on to finish school, moved back to California, learned to fly airplanes, started a fashion company, went back to business school, started business consulting, moved from California to Hawaii, and back, learned to shoe horses . . . and ultimately, that’s what I do now. I work outdoors, with horses, getting well paid, doing what I love.
So guess what I really hate doing in my life? Getting up early! I sleep in, and love it. I’ve paid my dues, years ago, milking cows. So now my job of shoeing horses seems perfectly divine (even though it’s hot this summer, and the job is physically tough to do) . . . Because of those cows, I know how to persevere, keep working, and get through :))
I’m looking forward to hearing what you will accomplish in your life, Jess :)) Remember, you can do ANYTHING you set out to do!!! :)) Dawn
https://journalofdawn.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/you-can-do-anything/
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Thank you very much! That was such an amazing story about you and your daughter, as well! I feel like life is just one large transitional period and once you get too comfortable, it’s time to transition again.
I’ve read a couple of books by a self help author who preaches the notion that we, as humans, are meant to make uncomfortable choices and take uncomfortable risks to push ourselves forward to reach our fullest potential. I am currently trying to do that. I figure, if I take on a lot now and absorb as much information as I can, I will be better equipped to do what I want to do with my future…which is, ultimately, own my own wellness and yoga studio or something else that is mine to mold.
Overall, I know that sometimes we have to risk comfort to allow ourselves growth…so I’ll take a bit of discomfort if it helps push me to something more.
I look forward to sharing more of my journey and I am also looking forward to hearing more stories from anyone willing to share. So anytime you have a story, I’d love to here it:)
Jess~
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*hear
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You will have much wisdom to share with the next generation — good thing you’re writing your story as you go :)) Writing is such good therapy! Happy to share my stories with you :))
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