Part of mental health is remembering that you don’t have to be perfect all the time.
So when I went into Blogmas, I went in super optimistic that I would be able to just pick up blogging like I did in 2018 and that it would all just fall into place. However, I am now writing day 6 on day 8 and realizing that things aren’t that easy.
I won’t lie and say that I’m not a tad disappointed in myself, but I think it would be best to remind myself of all the things I have going on this year that makes it different from years before. For one, my career is way more demanding than it was in 2018 both in regards to the time commitment and the quality of work expected of me. Second, I was living at home in 2018 and this year I’m trying to prepare to move which adds an extra layer of time commitment. Third, my mental health has been really up and down…and I mean REALLY up and down.
I feel like lately I am hitting my highest highs and my lowest lows depending on the hour. I am working on admitting when I am not okay and being more candid with my mental health on public forums but it can be super tough. But to be blunt, I’m not mentally where I want to be right now.
I have been moody and jumpy and anxious and exhausted. Sleeping sounds better than any activity lately, even the ones I like. And, while I still get excited for things, I feel like my patience and presence in moments are lower than they used to be. I feel like my inside world and my outside work are disconnected. I am having super different external experiences versus my inner experience. I’ve been spaced out lately and I don’t enjoy being that way.
Now this might make you think that I would want to quit Blogmas but I don’t. I think I need to challenge myself to get over this hump and come out on the other end. I may not get the posts up on time but I want to challenge myself to write at least 25 posts, if not 31 posts in December.
I’ve always believed that the only way out is through so I guess we are going through this together.