January 15th 2021
It isn’t easy admitting you’ve let yourself go a bit, but it’s the first step towards your next comeback
New years always put me in this mood for change, even in small ways. I find that associating each new year with a new chapter or era of life helps you detach from the blunders of the year prior and encourages you to fill the new era with experiences and growth and a version of yourself that the previous year’s “you” would have loved! After the 2019 and 2020 I had, I definitely feel I have a lot of room to go up from here.
I have fallen out of all of my favorite hobbies and habits. Not consciously, but I am definitely not doing the things I used to love doing in the past. I think it is a combination of work being overbearing and life feeling stagnant during this weird pandemic/political hellscape that has sort of taken the wind out of my sails a bit.
On top of that, I have been spending a lot of time in therapy doing 2 things:
- Trying to figure out what my next move is going to be because if I continue on the path that I am currently on, I will become an absolute zombie and end up at the point of no return.
- Recounting and reminiscing about 2018.
Why 2018, you ask? Well a lot of reason really. For starters, it was my last full year living in New York which makes it all the more special. It was my last summer with friends and my last time enjoying Halloween and the holidays doing all of the things I grew up loving with my favorite people on earth. It was also the year that I felt I had it the most “together” even in my messiest moments. I was doing 10+ hours of yoga a week, blogging 4 times a week, seeing friends daily, LOVING my job, learning more and more about tarot, posting on social media in fun ways and not because I had to, and taking tons of fun pictures of memories with friends. I look back on that year with so many fond memories because I honestly did so much and also grew quite a bit, but definitely think that I grew most in the past 2 years.
While the past 2 years are what I consider some of the ugliest years of my life, a lot of growth has come out of them. I moved out of the place I spent 24 years of my life to a place I had spent a total of 4 days combined prior to moving. I started a new job that really pushed me out of my comfort zone professionally and socially. I started a relationship that turned out to be toxic, but also the kick in the pants I needed to make some key changes for myself. I started seeing a therapist regularly to deal with past trauma, anxiety, insecurity, abandonment issues, self-confidence issues, and a slew of other things. Finally got a new laptop, new car, soon a new phone, and lastly a newer, healthier relationship, which, if you knew me better, you’d know is a really big step for me because I will use things I am comfortable with until they are so broken that they cannot function (hence why I tend to stay in toxic relationships too, ya girl hates change).
So with all of this growth and change and breakdown and rebirth, I have begun to realize that I need to get back into some healthy habits. And one way I know motivates me is writing stuff down so I figured I would try to manifest this rebirth of a healthier self by writing a list of habits I hope to embody and chip away at them little by little:
- Less screen time when I wake up and before bed– My job is pretty much 8-10 straight hours of screen time on a laptop and a phone interchangeably. I really think it messes with my sleep and wake cycles and I often find myself dream about using my phone which definitely can’t be healthy and is definitely an indicator of my overuse of tech and my lack of work/life balance.
- Meditate more- I used to meditate regularly both in meditation classes and independently at home. I would love to start doing 1-5 minute meditations in the morning either before or during work to get myself calm and centered.
- Make more time for movement- I hate gyms. It is no secret that I really hate traditional gym workouts. I don’t think I will ever before a barbell babe or something like that even though I had mad respect to those of you out there who are. I am more of an “organic movement and/or classes” type of girl. I like activities that encourage me to move and I like taking classes where everyone is doing the same thing at the same time for a set amount of time then it is over. So two of my goals for 2021 are to find a yoga/Pilates studio I like and find a set of classes I can attend relatively regularly and to make more time for organic movement like walks outside or fun active activities with friends.
- Read more (books and cards)- Two things I have been really passionate about in my life are reading tarot cards and reading self-help and wellness books. I would definitely say that, right now, tarot is what I do way more of but I hope to have a good balance of both in my life some day in the future. I find that personal growth books are what I have the easiest time sinking my teeth into, but I would also like to find some fiction that excites me. I am not really sure of my genre anymore.
- Commit to healthier eating- I am the worst person when I am stressed and as a result, I fall out of healthy eating habits and into a pit of snacks and anxiety. I really want to fall into a healthier eating routine even if it is just regulating the times I eat, practicing moderation, and learning to say no.
- Write and reflect more- I want to write both publicly and personally this year. I find that I get some of my best thinking done when I am writing either for my blog or for myself so I definitely want to turn my thoughts into words more this year, ideally at least once a week. I also want to honor my natural urge to write when I am inspired because sometimes I think of great stuff then I push down the inspiration because I am “too busy” or it is inconvenient to write at the moment.
So, the approach I want to take towards these new habits is going to be different than I have done in previous years because I really don’t want to throw myself into these all at once. Instead, I want to just remind myself of each one and pursue them as the mood strikes and eventually work towards making them habits I enjoy more than I resent.
What core habits do you hope to cultivate in 2021?