Where I’ve Been and Where I’m Going From Here…

March 29th 2020

A lot has changed since the last time I’ve been on here…

So I know my first post back was my annual (really belated) birthday post, but I consider this my first real post back where I am speaking freely without a set structure. Which is really nice because I feel like I have a lot to talk about considering I have been radio silent for almost half a year. I guess I will start with a bit of an update about where I am in life currently before I get into what the past few months have brought me.

1. I am still with my boyfriend and we have been together for about 8 months now which has been really nice. I think we have both done a lot of growing, especially in the past 3 months, which I find super comforting.
2. We are currently in a state of emergency because of the global Coronavirus pandemic which has proven to be quite interesting overall. My job has moved us to working from home for the time being while everything is running its course so I have been adjusting to that change over the course of the past couple of weeks.
3. I moved into an apartment! I have been saying for months and months I was going to once I moved to being a permanent employee at my job and I finally moved in on January 30th (but didn’t officially start living there until the second week of February). It is a cute little one bedroom, one bath with a patio and in-unit laundry room. It is cozy and just enough space for me. I want to dedicate more time to decorating and stuff soon but I like how it looks so far.
4. I have no gotten into shape as much as I would have liked but I am hoping to turn that around this year. Maybe not down with all the lock downs and closings happening right now, but hopefully if this Corona stuff ever blows over, I can start working out more regularly.
5. The final and biggest thing I want to mention is that I found a therapist. Honestly, after a lot of pushing from my friend Angie, I decided to take the plunge into therapy and I have only had 2 sessions so far but I think I am really going to enjoy it. My mental health has really been at a low for quite a while now and I think this could really help pull me out of it and rediscover myself.

Okay, so now that we covered where I am currently, I would like to talk a bit about the last few months that I haven’t been writing. A lot of it has been a real blur and even my socials have been relatively quiet. I have sort of dropped off the radar a bit, but I think that is okay.

Well, October was when I hit peak writer’s block and started my downward spiral of creative burnout. I had experienced writer’s block before and was no stranger to how exhausting it could be to blog while so blocked up, but I have never experienced full creative burnout like I had back in October and honestly, I let it get really bad all the way through….well like 3 weeks ago before I decided to do something about it. This creative burnout played a huge role in me not writing anymore and even played a role in my lack of passion towards my yoga practice.

In my time away from writing, I tried to take opportunities to work out more with my mom and while that was great when I was living in her community and could attend 4-5 classes a week, it sort of sucks now because I only have time to attend 2 a week and haven’t been working out or dedicating much time to working out outside of that. I am going to go into what I am hoping to do a it more in my “where am I going from here” section of this post. So, for now, I am going to leave it at “I haven’t been working out as much as I would like to and now I am gaining a bit of pudge from lack of movement and quarantine snacking”.

I also haven’t read in the past 5-6 months, pretty much at all. I just haven’t felt passionate about reading but I really really want to get into reading again, especially now that I have tons of downtime. Well I won’t say “tons” of downtime because work is still really consuming a lot of my time, but I am hoping to figure that out soon so I can allow myself a bit more down time.

In terms of physically where I’ve been, I have gone a couple of places actually! I went to Florida again with Angie to see our friend Val in November and I had an amazing time going to the Disney Christmas party and seeing all the decorations at Universal. The weather was super chilly but I feel like it almost made me feel more festive and the lines were super duper short. I was honestly really happy most of that weekend and I wish I could do something like that real soon, but that doesn’t seem likely. I also went to San Francisco in February which was a totally new experience for me. I went with a coworker on a conference and we actually had a lot of fun exploring new coffee shops and grabbing food together and walking across the Golden Gate Bridge on our last full day. I would say I hope to travel more in 2020 but, again, with the current state of the world, that doesn’t seem like a doable goal at the moment.

I also hung out with my friend, Dreama, a bit over the past few months and I am glad to have one friend down here to hangout with who is normal and cool and appreciates exploring and bumming as much as I do. Plus, I have been spending a lot of time with Sam which has been nice. I have also had friends come to visit a couple of times which is always refreshing and nice.

So I guess that is really it for what you missed. You haven’t missed much besides the deterioration of my mental health and my growing dissatisfaction in the current state of my life. BUT that is why I decided to come back, because I am tired of being sad and dissatisfied and I want to start doing more of what makes me happier! So here is where I want to go from here.

So I am actually going to start this off with a little context about my new goals and plans. My friend Devan came to me a few weeks ago to tell me her new plan for starting her own dog walking, training, and sitting business and leaving her job of a few years to pursue her own personal dream. Her dedication to making her life something she is happy to live really inspired me to want to do the same. The other day, we had a long talk about her business plan and I did a bit of social media consulting for her. But towards the end of our talk, I got really inspired to take a similar approach as she did with her business to my own life. I decided recently to make a 1 month, 6 month, and 1 year plan where I put down some small goals and broke them down into the smallest simple specific I could.

Month 1 I decided to start slow. I made notes about taking steps towards getting back into blogging, reading more, doing more exercise and yoga, and meditating again. My therapist really pushed that I should try to get back into all the stuff I learned during my yoga teacher training and I agree that I think that will really help me. This first month is about laying the groundwork to build upon. I want to start by posting once a week, trying to take a few minutes a day to meditate, 30 minutes a week to free write for myself, and exercise 1-2 times a week. I also sprinkled in smaller goals like trying to dress up every so often or making it a point to put on makeup or do my hair once a week. I know this all sounds like small change, but I think that starting with easy to digest goals will really help me gradually get back into being myself in the ways I used to.

I actually wrote my goals out on Google Slides and, if anyone wants to see them, maybe I can share them so you can see how I am trying to get my shit together. I think that the Google Slides symbolize the thing I lack most in my life which is structure. So where I hope to go from here is up. I want to be happier, healthier, I want to reevaluate my career goals, explore the world around me more (once I am safely able to), and I want to read again. Above all else, I want to grow through what I go through.

This is going to be a tough year for me, but I am hoping that me sharing my experiences will help someone else out there going through the same thing.

Anyway, see you next week if anyone is still out there reading! I will be posting Sundays at 6PM EST for the time being and I will let you know if that is going to change anytime soon!

Jess~