A Quick Post Before Bed

September 23rd 2019

Ending the night with something quick…

I haven’t written on my phone in a while and I figure that, since my laptop is slowly killing itself, it’d be a good time to just time on my phone for a change. So, as per usual lately, I forgot until the last second that I have a post to write and, also as per usual lately, I have nothing in mind to write about.

So instead of grasping at straws, I am just gonna type. It has been a long day and I am not going to sit here and write some beautifully crafted masterpiece that will leave you feeling inspired to change your life. Instead, I’m just gonna be here writing about whatever pops into my head and if you care to read then neato, thank you! And if not then bye, I guess!

Anyway, I have been feeling all out of sorts lately and I really think it’s been taking a toll on all areas of my life. I have been over thinking to the point of daily spirals about everything from my relationship to my job to my future as a whole. I panic about where I stand in just about every situation and it honestly makes me wish I could just stay in bed sometimes and not adult anymore.

However, I have some people in my life who really love me and have loved me enough recently to call me on my bullshit. I am hoping they are all right about my current fears being fabricated by my anxiety and own imagination, but sometimes over thinking wins and I need to circle back for extra reassurance. I’m lucky I have people who are so willing to accept that sometimes I just need a bit of an extra push before I get to where I need to be.

I also love that I have people in my life who are patient. Patience makes me feel loved because I know I make myself difficult to love and having some people in my life who are willing to give me the chances and space I need to grow is something so beautiful.

Recently, I was reminded of amazing talent of self-sabotaging and I am working my way through that currently. Which, again, makes me feel so blessed to have some people’s patience on my side. I have been working extra hard lately to stay out of my own head and I still slip up…all the time…but I’m glad that the right people see that I’m trying.

Overall, I am not good but I am getting there. I have cried less this week than last and way less than the one before that. So hopefully if I keep trying to put out better energy and communicate more effectively, I’ll go back to where I wanna be and I can actually feel comfortable enough to thank people less vaguely soon enough.

I’m just a girl out here looking for some security.

I think that’s all I wanted to say tonight. That I’m tired, I’m improving, and I’m trying.

Jess~