Going Home

August 9th 2019

How home has gotten different but stayed the same

Today I flew back to NY for the first time since moving to NC and I can honestly say that I’m having a lot of feelings about it. For one, I honestly don’t even feel like I’ve truly left because I’ve come back and feel like I’ve sort of just fallen into my old comfortable places with friends and life here.

However, part of me has started to look at NY in a more nostalgic light. Things that used to annoy me that I felt incredibly jaded to have now become things my heart feels fondly towards and things I have even grown to miss since moving.

The Long Island Railroad made me feel extra sappy today. Buying a ticket on the machine felt like muscle memory to me, but seeing the confused faces of people new to NY also left me feeling empathetic. As I mentally recited the different railroad scripts that played over the loudspeakers, I realized how deeply engrained NY had become in my identity.

I never really thought I would say that NY was a part of who I am to this extent, but I realize that I truly am, and always will be, a New Yorker. Even the traffic had me feeling nostalgic. The shared frustration between myself and friends on long drives short distances is something I genuinely miss.

And sure, one day I will build similar nostalgic connections to my new home and things, but for now, I really only see NC as home because of the people I have there, not my connection to the space.

I hope I never lose this love and nostalgic passion for my New York roots, however, I hope to find something just as beautiful in my new home.

Jess~