More Notes to Self

July 10th 2018

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Even more thoughts that went from my brain, to my phone, to you.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to share a few person notes that I wrote myself on my phone. That post was really well received and I would love to share a few more notes that I had written over the past few months.

Welcome to my unedited thoughts and feelings~ (side note: Any lack of punctuation or capitalization is because my phone doesn’t autocorrect words like I’m or You’re or capitalize “I” automatically in the notes feature for whatever reason)

~~~

I’m a Good Person– May 3rd 2018

In the shower today i realized I’m a good person. That’s a weird thing to realize in the shower but i guess it also makes sense. The shower is one of the places where you’re most vulnerable because …well you’re naked. Can’t be much more vulnerable than that.

In a moment of pure vulnerability i realized I was a good person. I realized i have been allowing myself to talk down to myself and undermine my own accomplishments. I essentially realized i’ve been treating myself like trash.

I don’t know what made me realize it exactly but for some reason i was overwhelmed with the desire to make myself feel as beautiful on the outside as i do on the inside.

I am a fun girl and i treat my friends nice (most of the time because no one is perfect 100% of the time). I like cool things and I’m passionate about a lot and if i met me I’d think I’m pretty cool. However, I’ve always had this thing about talking positively of myself. I always convinced myself its a narcissistic thing to do and as a result, i feel like i give myself zero credit.

So today in the shower i realized i deserve to be feel beautiful.

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New Horizons- June 3rd 2018

I think I might  move next year. I haven’t committed to the decision 100% yet, but its been on my mind.

I used to fear leaving my friends and loved ones in favor of going with my family to North Carolina but i realized something. I am at the point in life where everyone starts going their own ways.

So I ask myself…what is scarier? Being the first to leave…or the last one still in the same place?

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The Scene Where I Fight Back- June 10th 2018

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’d say to people if I controlled the script. What would I say if I could say whatever i want without debate or argument? Without someone shifting the narrative to make me feel wrong?

I lay in bed at night and make up stories where I say everything I’ve been thinking. I say every word perfectly and i don’t choke or fumble. I am confident.

I tell off the guy with attachment issues and nice eyes for making me feel crazy. I tell off the girl who belittled my beauty to make herself feel better. I tell off guy who lied and lied and lied some more to cover his own ass and make me look bad. I tell off the people who told me I couldn’t be friends with them because “I didn’t contribute to their group.”

I tell them all off, take a deep breath and smile.

However, I know in my heart that that wont change what happened. But my heart also knows that I wouldn’t want what happened to change.

Because my ability to walk away without battling with my words is what makes me, me. That’s why I only fight in my head.

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Social Star- June 10th 2018

I wonder how my life looks from the outside. I only ever see it from the inside, so I don’t know what other people see.

Obviously, I see myself online and how I present myself…. but I have all the context. How do i look to people without context?

Do I look happy? Fulfilled? Like I’m “living my best life”?

I look at a lot of people online and wonder what their lives look like on the inside. We show the world our best selves but no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

We are living in a world where no one really asks you how you’re doing…because they think they already know.

~~~

I still have a few more of these little entries that I would love to share, and I am also actively writing more. If you like these, let me know what you think because I really enjoy some feedback and to start conversations!

Jess~

 

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Published by

jessofearth

Jess, 23, yogi, believer in things, book worm, shy, aspiring human of Earth. I like to spend my time on a yoga mat, typing away with my thoughts, or taking pictures of anything and everything. Stop on by for everything from self-care to book reviews to fashion posts and more!

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