How to Not Give Up on Love in 3 Easy Steps

June 25th 2016

So I’m guessing if you’re reading this, you’re looking for reasons to not give up on love. Maybe you’ve been cheated on….or maybe you’ve fallen hopelessly head-over-heals-in-love with someone who hasn’t done so much as to give you a passing glance…or maybe you’ve just felt as though there is no one out there who checks all your boxes…or, worst of all, you just feel all around unworthy of love and have developed a kind of apathetic attitude towards all things gushy, warm, and romantic. Well, lucky for you, random internet stranger, I have constructed a list of 3 simple steps/reasons to not give up on love in order to help you (and myself) to continue believing that somewhere in this screwed up world there is someone out there looking for you.

Step 1: Take a break.

Alright this this step probably sounds pretty stupid, but I can assure you that it is the most important step in not giving up on love. If you’ve been in a situation that has hurt you or you are generally discouraged by love then the best thing you can do for yourself is take a break. Stop looking for love and stop looking for reasons to hate it. Love will find you when it’s ready so stop looking for it in all the wrong places. If you’re upset, give yourself time. I feel like the worst relationships and situations always arise when you deny yourself a break and you force things. If you’re single, accept it…better yet, EMBRACE IT. Taking time off from looking will definitely improve your relationship with love.

Step 2: Improve your relationship with yourself.

 The other day, I was meditating at yoga while my instructor talked the class through some ideas to reflect on and one thing she said really stood out to me. She said, “Think of the list of things in your life that you love”. So, naturally I did. I thought of my family, my dog, my friends, my car, my education, food, my home, music, and just about anything that brought me joy. Then my instructor said something that struck a chord with me, “Were you on your list”?

I found that to be very….profound, I guess? Why wasn’t I on my list? Have I really been so focused on other things that I forgot the most important person in my life is me? Well, the more I thought about it I realized, yes I have. I forgot how to love myself and it has been really hard. Lately I haven’t been happy with myself, and how can I be happy with someone else if I am not even happy with myself? So that’s why I have decided that this summer I am going to focus on my relationship with myself. I am trying new things. I am watching new movies and reading more and listening to new music and enjoying time alone. I am trying to become the person I want to be, the person I would want to be friends with.

One of the more fascinating things I’ve realized recently is that as people, we have so many dimensions to us. We have so many small intricacies that make us who we are and make us different from everyone else. I really want to explore those things about myself because I feel like those are the things people fall in love with so I want to find them and fall in love with myself.

Step 3: Realize that by building up walls, you are trapping yourself more than you are protecting yourself.

This is probably the hardest step. Sometimes people in life really screw us up and we just don’t want to deal with the pain anymore. But hiding yourself away behind closed doors is only going to hurt you more. If you are too afraid to confront emotion and potential pain, you won’t grow. I have grown the most from times of heartbreak. Every time my heart breaks the new pieces that grow back are stronger than the old ones.

I learn so much about myself through heartbreak. I still get hurt, but I don’t give up on love because by denying myself experience, I will never learn and I will never grow. I want to love and love hard and risk getting hurt because one day I will meet someone who won’t hurt me and I will have learned so much that I can finally have a relationship that is beautiful and raw.

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So I guess to wrap everything up, not giving up on love is super hard to do, but once you realize that the pain is worth it and that your relationship with yourself should always come first, love isn’t that scary.It may be hard to put yourself out there in a world that seems unloving, but one day you’ll be happy you went through what you went through to find something real.