November 9th 2018
Some of us have to grow up sometimes, and if I have to I’m gonna leave you behind~
In the quest to make November a month of relaxation and self-reflection, I decided I wanted to spend today talking a little bit about growing up and moving on. I am the kind of person who often rejects change. When I am content in the way things are, you won’t see me making waves or speaking up for changes. I consider it to be one of my biggest character flaws. However, it has become one of my goals in recent years to embrace change and move on from things that no longer serve me.
When I saw that Paramore, one of my favorite bands, was no longer playing one of their most iconic songs, Misery Business, anymore I had jokingly said that 2018 was the year of letting go. Little did I know at the time, but that statement, despite its jokey nature, really summed up my life since I graduated college.
When I graduated college back in May of 2017, I thought that not much would change. I honestly thought that it would just be all the same minus school. However, I feel like graduating really changed my mindset. I became way more future oriented and placed way more emphasis on my passions and creating a solid future for myself. That is when I began realizing that certain things and people were no longer serving me.
These people and things began making me anxious. I really can’t adequately explain why, but I feel like the anxiety was the universe’s way of telling me that I should move on. But, me being me, I resisted until I had no other option but to cut people and things out.
You see, I often feel guilty for rocking the boat or making waves or speaking up for change. I always figure that it is just me being too picky or too wrapped up in my own self to accept how life is. However, what I soon realized was that it was just me growing up, and change, and the desire for change, both came with growing up.
And once I realized that a large part of growing up is letting go, everything became easier. I found it easier to walk away when I realized that it was what I needed to do to stay on my path. Making new friends became easier when I didn’t become too attached to the outcome. And making the decision to move with my family to a state where I know no one became less intimidating too.
I view adult life as a play with many acts. Each act tells a different part of the big story but some characters don’t carry over from act to act, but instead serve a purpose to drive the character forward to where they need to be. So I could spend a night with a group of people who I think will play a huge role in who I become and my whole entire future, but really I could just take away one thing from the entire night that will serve me then never see these people again.
So as much as moving on has hurt me sometimes, I feel as though leaving behind things that no longer serve me has helped bring me to some of the greatest places, people, and moments I have experienced in my life. And I know that moving on isn’t selfish or scary, but necessary for fulfilling my life’s purpose.